Thanks to my parent's unbelievably slow internet connection I have spent much time at Panera Bread. They boast a fast wireless connection, great pastries and loads of cute college guys. Unfortunately, most are students from Liberty University (yes, THAT Liberty University- Jerry Falwell's university) but that's ok. Eye candy is still eye candy and for the price of a cup of coffee I can sit to my heart's content.
It's a warm, friendly environment that's given me the chance to look up grad programs, job opps, email and generally mess around on the web. So to make it official... I LOVE PANERA!
Had a good talk with my mom last night about the Church and being gay and such. I'm really lucky she's open to talk about this stuff. She said that it was nice having me around. I said that I'm always nice to have around and she stopped short and said that it didn't used to be that way. I was moody, mean and irrational. But no longer. I used to be that way because i hated myself, being gay, and therefore life in general. But since I've come to terms with it, I've been much nicer. Funny isn't it? Trying to be everything the Church wanted me to be made me mean, hard and bitter. Now that I don't care what the Church wants me to be I am kind, caring and emotionally stable. There's a moral there, but I hate morality tales so I'm leaving it alone.
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2 comments:
I found your blog while browsing from my blog. I have only read a few entries but held my breath while reading them....I think I understand Chris McCandless's need to leave and often feel the urge to disappear but don't/can't. And kudos to you for having the strength to be your own person and search for your own path. We are too governed by others.
Breathe, Holly, breathe! We can't have bloggers turning purple around here!
I know exactly what you mean about having the need to pull an 'into the wild' but not being able to go through with it. It takes a lot of courage to do it and that's why I admire people who can make those big changes. Because no matter how desperate the need to leave, people will try and talk you out of it. Not because they don't care but because sometimes they care a little too much. We should always lean on and trust our loved ones, but we should trust ourselves too!
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