Friday, October 26, 2007

Monkey see, monkey do

Family Blend is one of the best blogs. It always makes me smile and occasionally teary-eyed. The blogeurs (you know, like auteurs, bloggers with style!) are a couple of well-adjusted, handsome, loving gay men that cope with their lives (children, exes, Mormon families, friends) with honesty and humor. I seriously look up to these guys. They are what I want to someday be. I only wish that I had role models like this when I was coming to terms with my sexuality.

I know things would have been much easier knowing that there were gay mormons (ex and otherwise) in healthy, loving relationships. Of course the only role models I had were those "gay" mormons who lived by themselves and seemed lonely. You never knew if they were gay or not cause that isn't talked about and you never knew about the, as they call them now, "mixed-orientation" marriages. So once I realized that I would never be able to marry a woman honestly, I had the Sheri Dew lifestyle to look forward to. That really was it. No one else to see and emulate. I was scared shitless.

Of course I know better now. I've experienced how love shared with a man can make me feel whole and good and not dirty and unhappy(although being in your 30's when you realize it is a bit late in my estimation) . I just wish that I had been able to see that earlier. There is a tendency among the members of the Church to feel that they have a monopoly on happiness. The gospel is where TRUE happiness (whatever that means) is found and those people who don't have the gospel and look happy aren't TRULY happy. It's a condescending attitude that most people in any group have I guess. And as a true believer I shared this worldview.

My folks always say that they just want me to be happy. Which is not as simple as it sounds because from Mormon parents the subtext of happy is "living the gospel". There's the disconnect. For me to be happy is to live in a state which my family considers the opposite of happiness. And when it seems that I'm happy, well, I'm not TRULY happy in their eyes. Ah the joys of families.

I'm sure the Family Blend guys aren't supermen and I don't mean to put a pedestal under them. I'm having a good enough time reveling in their ordinariness. I just want to warn them. I'm watching you, rooting for you, hoping every joy in life for you, cause every time you win I win too.

9 comments:

Chris said...

Aw, Jake...I just found you through a post on iwonder's blog. Thanks for the nice post about our blog. I'm so glad that you've enjoyed it.

I'm going to add you to our blog roll.

playasinmar said...

those guys over at Family Blend are great! The pedestal is deserved.

And it appears I made your blog roll! Pleasure meeting you, Jake.

MoHoHawaii said...

Welcome, Jake.

You might also want to check out Scot's blog, which is also about a male couple from a Mormon background with kids.

elbow said...

Yeah, what's up with the Sheri Dew lifestyle? She needs to get some serious cuddle time in to say the least (that was my G-rated request). How can you live your life without true/fun/hot/sincere intimate connection with someone?

PS Welcome to the Blog world!

Jake said...

Thanks for the welcome all!

Chris- thanks for the add and I meant every word I said. You guys are awesome.

playasinmar- don't worry. I have changed my mind and already ordered the pedestal. It will be tasteful yet bold. I just hope I got a big enough one so that they both can stand on it.

mohohawaii- Thanks for the blog referral (or as I like to call it a blogferral) I'll check it out.

Elbow- Serious cuddle time indeed. I've come to the conclusion that you can't be fully empathetic until you've loved someone intimately- physically and emotionally. At least that's been my experience. BTW, although I appreciate the G-ratedness of your comment, please don't feel like you have to censor yourself on my account! Some gutter is always welcome on my blog. Yet calling it "serious cuddle time" is hilarious. Sometimes bleeping the word is funnier than using the word itself.

Willie said...

Hey Jake.

Nice to meet you online. Chris and Jed are the most amazing people. I'm glad you posted about them. They deserve all the praise in the world.

Scot said...

Hey, thanks for the blogferral, MoHoHawaii.

Well met Jake, and I agree; Chris is a good guy, even if he thinks I’m boring. ;-)

Chris said...

Can I put in requests for the pedestal? No gold, please. I prefer silver, preferably with a brushed finish. Or perhaps a nice dark wood.

Also, Jed is 6'4", so I do hope you got the larger size.

;)

Jake said...

thanks for the welcome willie and scot!

Chris- ok, made the changes so you should be expecting it any day now. I'll send it COD- hope you don't mind! ;)